Embracing the Holidays
I thought it would helpful to talk about embracing the holidays simply because so many I work with are bracing for the holidays. You’ll see a good deal of suggestions for how to make holidays inclusive while being conscientious of others needs. Some of the suggestions that are the most sensible for others mental health might be:
Recognizing the different traditions, cultures, and expectations for the holidays. Focus more on what makes you similar than different. This doesn’t just mean what holiday you celebrate, but asking others what the holidays mean to them. We each have particular memories of the holidays that stay with us and when we are curious, we can learn more about how holidays bring us together.
Be mindful of your body when you’re around others. There can be a huge pull to “perform” and put on a show, but sometimes we simply are not feeling festive. That’s okay. Give yourself permission to take breaks, watch from the sidelines, or to just give yourself a breather. For many, there might be known or unacknowledged pain, expectations, or histories that present challenges to us being around family members.
Be informed of your values. Ask yourself how you want to spend this holiday and what your intention is. Maybe my focus is on compassion for those around me, growth and so I want to deepen the relationships, or openness and so I want to learn something new from someone this holiday season. When you align your practices with your values, and work to do that well, then everything else that happens this holiday season is just a bonus.
One concept that I want to give comes from a philosopher, Erik Rietveld, that studies action and cognition. When he founded an organization called RAAF (Rietveld Architecture-Art-Affordances), he started to rethink the way cultures approach conservation. Specifically, historical landmarks, buildings, or monuments that have been designated to conservation through keeping those objects untouched and preserved in their original state. He thought that conservation cuts the opportunities to learn and grow short and instead believes that conservation should more-so be about “an effort toward imagination and activation.”
What does that mean? It’s called hardcore heritage. The focus is on creating multiple layers of history. And so how does this apply to embracing the holidays? Think about stepping outside the historical conventions, asking yourself what is and isn’t important about them, and focusing on the concerns of the people there today. That last part is the largest implication from Rietveld. Using our imagination and value pushes to find ways of engaging with the culture of the present instead of an ahistorical assumption because it’s always been that way.
And so during this holiday season, embrace the tension of the holidays you’ve known while using your imagination and concerns to develop lasting traditions that respect you, those around you, and your values.
Happy Holidays.
-Jeremy Cooper, LPC
December 2022
